Cites Worldwide Ingratitude

U. S. May Become Nonaligned Nation; Cites Worldwide Ingratitude
By Tom Attea

In case you haven’t heard, there is a brash new movement afoot to make America a nonaligned nation. The principal motivation behind the movement is worldwide ingratitude for the sacrifices America has made for the benefit of other nations, while getting back precious little in return, materially or even in simple gratitude.

Certainly, the group maintains, the payback in either form has hardly been commensurate with the sacrifices America has made in life and treasure. The members cite, for example, the summit of nonaligned nations in Cuba, where the attendees, who Jimmy Cagney might have called “you dirty, double-crossin’ rats,” delighted to blow Cuban cigar smoke at the U. S.

Raul Castro, the distinguished and penniless stand-in for his equally distinguished and penniless older brother, evoked the enthusiastic applause characteristic of a pent-up need for self-justification when he said that the world today is shaped by the United States' "irrational pretensions for world dominance…. When there no longer is a Cold War, the United States spends one billion dollars a year in weapons and soldiers and it squanders a similar amount in commercial publicity. To think that a social and economic order that has proven unsustainable could be maintained by force is simply an absurd idea."

Responding to the comment, a leader of the movement to make America a nonaligned nation, said, “OK, Raul, we heard you. So come on. Launch another boatload of refugees to bring us to our knees.”

The new movement, which traces its origins back to the will of the founding founders, who proclaimed that America should avoid permanent foreign entanglements, is preparing a new flag, much like the familiar Colonial rallying cry in cloth: "Don't Tread On Me." It is being sewn by a gifted seamstress in New England, named Victoria Albatross. The flag will highlight the sentiment of the movement, “Suckered In Never Again!”

The powers that divide Washington, stung by America’s series of military missteps abroad, have already begun to express private support for the innovative return of America to the sentiments of its founders and the entirely radical idea that its citizens actually may have a right to "life, liberty, and [of all things] the pursuit of happiness," instead of the wearisome and thankless burdens of trying to conduct the world in its own image.